Narcissists.... yay

O​k, I hope you all understand narcissism is a sign of poor mental health , poor self-esteem, and formed from trauma from whatever happened in childhood ( Wow, who knew childhood was the most sensitive part of everyone's life? ).

I​ only hang around with a few people and 1% of the few knows me entirely. I have encountered many people at my age of 21 and have seen the different behaviors manifest in social events. Now do not get me wrong, I try my hardest not to psychoanalyze people , but I can not help, but observe what is going on and how can I properly protect myself whether it is physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. You have a variety of people whether it is a friend, a significant other, or a family member who’ll emotionally manipulate you, even your very own kid would try to pull something like that, so what do you want me to do? Be oblivious? So, of course, me being me , I tried understanding why people do this and I came to realize everyone has narcissistic ways, but everyone isn't an actual narcissist. Many people follow their morals to avoid turning into a narcissist while others suffer from narcissism, making themselves feel too good about themselves, which turns them haughty because they have downward self-esteem, it can also be used as a [unhealthy] survival tactic, it can also be because they lack integrity, they may hate confrontation because it leads to humiliation, which hurts the ego and refuse to be held accountable for how they mistreated a person..... ain't it a shame.

I​t is also good to know that what makes a narcissist a narcissist is the level of maturity, the intention, the perception and perspective to a situation, and, of course, the mindset. You can be in a situation where a person may genuinely not see how they are wrong or what is wrong and may argue back, meaning there needs to be clear communication for them to understand for a compromise to happen, while you'll have a narcissist who will deflect the thoughts and emotions of an argument or disagreement, establish their dominance, play a mind game with their words, and flip the situation back on you because they are trying to protect their ego because they are comfortable in their pride. To be humbled, you have to go through humiliation ( which does not have to be public ), and humiliation hurts in such a different way that can not be explained, but it is.

Now, I​ am not about to sit here and type how to spot a narcissist because you can just find that on youtube, but I will display to you the three steps in order to deal with a narcissists:

S​tep 1 : Know Who You Are

W​hen in doubt, this will always be a solution. If you do not know who you are, someone will give you an identity according to the way you act. It is also important to stand firm on how you should be respected and communicated to. For example, when it comes to a person who is trying to get something out of you and they respond in a phrase such as "if it was the other way around, I would do it for you," you can reinforce the distinction of you and that person, properly communicating to them that you operate in a different manner than they do, especially when circumstances are involved. Taking inconsideration of their requests, give them an answer, if they respond negatively by calling you names such as "selfish," you can explain to them that you are selfish and disallow the effect of the name calling to affect you because you know you and your intentions. The goal here is to re-enforce your identity to yourself, not tell and/or prove to people who you are because they don't care.

S​tep 2: Standing Firm to Your No.

M​any people who grew up with strict parents never learned how to stay no because it was constant submission to authority resulting in the limit of emotional or verbal expression, and as that person grows into adulthood, they grow to be really nice to a point where they become a doormat who does not have a backbone and does not know how to say no without feeling bad. Standing firm to your no will set boundaries and set the tone about yourself to let people know that they can not get their way when it comes to you because of the strict boundaries, in other words, you are demanding to respond in a way that is not aggressive. The goal here is not feel bad for saying no because you understand you are your main priority and if someone is cutting into your time or money due to favors, then you should not feel bad because no one else is looking out for you , but you and those people are not going to pay you back; some sacrifices are not worth taking whether blood or water, especially if it is going to negatively impact you. Keep in mind consideration and courtesy comes from free will and you are not obligated to help anyone in any way, but also have that balance of keeping that mindset without becoming selfish; if it affects your time and your money that you know needed to be spent on you and your craft , it should not be given to others because somethings are just for you. If you do not have to give, then do not give.

S​tep 3 : Communication

S​o this is a no-brainer, but the raw truth about communication is that it is very uncomfortable , especially if you are not used to doing it and do not know how to do it. Communication requires a level of vulnerability , but also the maturity to understand that it is not about being right or being wrong, but to continue to let the person or people whom you are communicating to have the free will to agree or disagree about your emotions, thoughts, and beliefs. When it comes to communicating your claim , this requires step 1 to be in full effect. The goal is to be understood, listen to the next person, and find a common ground, if possible. If no one can reach a common ground, then there should be another boundary in place alongside with a decision on whether to continue the relationship with the person or people (this can be platonic , romantic, etc.).

D​isclaimer: Perception and perspective; this can affect your behavior whether having the conversation with a parent or a significant other because it is hard to communicate your thoughts and emotions due to the underlying emotions, therefore, this would require you to be stable in Step 1. If they refuse to see where you are coming from, then validate yourself within yourself, let it go to the best of your ability, and set boundaries.

W​elp, folks that is all I have for you today! These were very generic steps and I made it this way because narcissists are people who tend to be hard to communicate with, but so are other people, so I gave you a formula you can use for everyone because everyone has narcissistic ways, but everyone isn't an actual narcissist. Therefore, if you can use these three handy steps on a narcissist, you can use this on literally anyone.

See you guys on the next one!

P​.S. I might do a part 2 to this.