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relationships= friendships, family, significant others, etc.
Singleness does not equate to loneliness
This is Where It Went Wrong
There are some things you can blame on immaturity, but not all things because by a certain age, you have a firm grasps of knowing better and have so much room to mature. However, what slows the process down is the environment and the words and phrases you allow to soothe you instead of build you. They tell you to have fun and let loose in your early 20s, but shun you when you don't act like an adult. No one helped you transition from your adolescence; instead, all they did was put weed, alcohol, parties, bills, and some money in your face and let you figure out the rest. So all the anger, rebellion, and victimized perception you feel is because your teenage self hasn't healed yet. Neither has the raging hormones and empty voids within you, none have been addressed since you left your adolescent years. So now, here you are living out all of your teenage desires and battling with self-love, body image, and insecurities that should have been dealt with in your late adolescence, but no one knew how to help you. Good thing I am here to inform.
Now, you cannot blame everyone. At some points in your life, you were burdensome to others, and you made it hard for those people to help you. While those same people around did not know how to help you with your mental issues, they also did not know how to help themselves , nor were they open to therapy. Therefore, they also did not promote it to anyone else. Now that you are now an adult, you have the amazing opportunity start resolving the past so that you can let the past be the past and embrace you're becoming.
Let's start by tackling these topics:
Being 'Alone'
Here is the thing about being alone: it's not really a thing. Just because humans are absent does not mean you are alone because you have God. Not for nothing, the same way you ask God to remove people is the same way you can ask God to bring you your community of friends, or at least point you in the direction of where your community of friends are (trust me, when you know, you know) because it's true what He said about it not being good for a man ( or a woman ) to be alone; you have to at least have a family of some sort.
Self-Love is Cultivated in True Singleness
The fact that one thinks they need to suffer in loneliness shows that they have seen the wrong perspective in singleness. The point of singleness is to be made singular, whole( not perfect), through love; investing time in falling in love with yourself and your space and then sharing that with another person once the atmosphere is properly set up. Who you allow into your space should be complimentary to you, which can be a friendship or a relationship. If your space is peaceful with a hint of red, then the personalities of your community should complement that. The format follows for anyone who comes into your life, regardless of the position they are applying for. Now I am not saying that you need to be bored and alone and not date, but I am saying that the birth and cultivation of self-love is easier when done in isolation rather than being in the midst of people because when people are involved, it results in people problems. Now this is the thing about singleness: it is for you to grow to love your space, love yourself, and figure out who you are. So when people come into your life, you have set the standard on how one should treat you. The ideology behind this is that if you are able to find you, you are able to find your people because your people will complement you, just do not expect the "you" from others. If you know who you are, you’ll be able to choose your people wisely and know how close to each person . Also, it is better to put up boundaries before getting into relationships because once the significant other tests your boundaries and sees that they can penetrate, they will and they won't respect it, especially when they've had access to it all along while you didn’t have the confidence to say no. Your singleness is for your brain to develop in peace and to allow your head to be properly screwed on. It is for you to heal from any childhood trauma and instill discipline in areas that need it. It is for you to learn that your 'no' is a full, irrevocable sentence, and it is for you to learn that whoever is not for you needs to leave as soon as possible. If you are in your early 20s, then your singleness is for everything I just stated, and you need to transition out of your adolescent mindset, which you should have started when you turned 16, but it is okay because you did not know..
The Love for and of People Derives from Self-Love
You can only love others to the degree of how much you love yourself. There is no other avenue. You had goals to show people why they need to be loved and instead, they showed you why you need to love yourself because in the midst of you loving them, you found validation in their affection, therefore becoming emotionally dependent, needy, and somehow you are not able to be completely truthful with yourself about how you view yourself in this current state. Now everybody is stepping over your boundaries and treating you any kind of way because you love them and the affection they give more than you love yourself, and suddenly, you and the Lord are distant. When you have a healthy grasp on self-love, the love will transform how you think, walk, and talk. Therefore, people will recognize that they cannot have their way with you like they want because they understand that your head is screwed on properly. Thus, when you learn to love people properly after property loving yourself, you let them be themselves to the fullest and you allow them to show all of their colors as time goes by; you respect their boundaries and communicate your boundaries that are to be respected, and if there is turmoil in the fundamentals of the relationship, it is time to start cutting people off. Above all, you free them from attachment. When you love someone, you treat them as they should be treated and to the degree of how you would like to be treated without demanding reciprocation. In short, love your neighbor as you love yourself and as Christ loves you.
What is Love?
Love is a living thing and a pure intention. It is the greatest gift known to man, but it is very lethal if used incorrectly. You have to understand the power of love. It can do no wrong, but in the wrong hands, it can result in fiery conflicts. Love is a natural thing, not something applied. Therefore, you're not justified by your works; your works are appreciated and acknowledged, but they only serve as evidence of your faith. Love will suffer with you, it will endure all things, love will be with you when you do not choose it and still love you. It knows its place, it minds its business when needed, it is very just, it has boundaries, and above all, it is unconditional. Meaning it can let you go to do what you want to do and still love you, allowing you to reap what you sow, whether good or bad.
Now as a Woman of God......
There are many commandments in the Bible, but there is really one that fulfills the whole Law: to Love God in full totality. This will manifest in self-love, which then manifests itself to other people. You can only love others to the degree of how much you love yourself, and you can only love yourself to the degree of how much you love God. Let's talk about the visual of this:
The Love Connection Between You and God
Christianity is not about religion, nor is it a religion. Christ's intent was never to create a religion, but to free us from the shackles of sin and to call us to a place of sonship. This allows us to have access to the Father, Son, and in bonus, the Holy Spirit in freedom and alignment. In other words, it is all about the relationship between us and all of God. The relationship works by understanding His character through reading about His love in the New Testament and His just acts in the Old Testament. Consistent prayer helps by asking Him questions and gaining wisdom. He proves that He is who He claims to be according to His word. Worship and soaking in His Spirit also help in getting to know God, as His Spirit reveals His wonders. Through continuous effort of communication, the bond solidifies and endures through various seasons.
Many people view Christianity as a religion because we grew up with our parents taking us to church every Sunday, Wednesday, or even every day. As we matured, we didn’t understand it, but we knew it was a good thing. Yet, as we grew, we tasted and saw for ourselves that the Lord is good. However, in the church, I did not see much of God. I just saw people and their sins making noise, speaking in unknown languages. Here's the crux of it: since Christianity is about having a relationship with the Lord and being one with Him, it means there needs to be a focus on love. The love of God is like a consuming fire that purifies you like gold and transforms you. Since we are called to love one another, it makes sense to ensure we are properly doing it from a Heaven-Down perspective. We start with God, then self, and then other people. The closer you are with Christ, the more you'll love yourself and others, seeing yourself and others in the eyes of God. This viewpoint will be breathtaking, as people are amazing no matter their beliefs, shapes, or sizes, even if they are annoying and extra. Start with God, then yourself, then make your way to other people.
Well, folks, that's all I have for you today. Thanks for checking out I Said What I Said Ministries. If you didn't know, this is a ministry, just not your typical churchy type. See you soon on next month's blog!
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